Last week, your favorite Sister of the Geek Covenant was fortunate enough to attend the Los Angeles premiere of Riddick, with none other than Vin Diesel himself in attendance to thank fans. Before the picture rolled, the Fast & Furious actor let it be known how much of his success was owed to his followers and professed the self-titled third of the Riddick trilogy was made especially for them. Big Dies’ also mentioned that the anticipated Fast 7 begins principal photography this week. Not surprisingly, this news was met with boisterous applause and cheers, especially with the recent kick-ass news that Kurt Russell was added to the cast.
As for any type of Marvelous movie updates, sorry folks; not one word was mentioned about “the deal” he has with Marvel. At least for tonight, Vinny WAS NOT GROOT!
Speaking of Karl, you may have heard that the new Dredd reprises his role as Commander Lord Vaako, but…don’t get too excited. He’s only on-screen in Riddick for 5-minutes (if you’re lucky) and, less impressive, during a convoluted flashback, which I have no choice but to *cough* address in a few.
When last we saw the Furyan warrior, he was dubbed the new Lord Marshall of Helion. But when Riddick opens, he’s unconscious on a desolate planet inhabited by hostile beasts. There’s no dialogue for a good 15-minutes and, of course,shit gets real the moment Riddick awakens.
“Just pretend it’s ‘Terra Nova’,” they said. “Just pretend it’s ‘Terra Nova.’”
While fighting for survival, things take an interesting Hanna Barbera-like turn when Richard B. Riddick rescues a space pup and trains him. Uh-huh. After Vin Diesel and Scooby form a cool bond, the new dogtastic duo eventually come across an abandoned outpost. Before I go any further, the reasons for Rid’s “ridding” are revealed in the flashback referenced earlier. Yes, watching Riddick has inspired me to alliterate. It also turns out our pal made some deal with Lord Vaako (Urban) and was eventually double-crossed. Shafted. Effed over. Done in.
Either way, today wasn’t a good day.
Thinking he’d be returned to his home planet, Riddick left a life of royalty and half-naked women for Dune without Patrick Stewart and Sting. By the way, I’m slightly vexed there was not one peek at Vinny D’s backside. Not even one cheek! But, there was plenty of *cough.. louder COUGH* breasts… Breasts. Thanks, Mr. Twohy.
After Riddick enters the station and allows his face to be scanned, a distress signal is sent notifying nearby hunters of the wanted mercenary’s whereabouts. Two different groups land on the planet. An unlawful hunter by the name of Santana (Jordi Molla) leads one team and a straight-laced captain named Boss Johns (Matt Nable), commands the other. Thus, Riddick must take out eleven bounty hunters in total, with not one of them named Boba.
Take a good hard thought of who wins this game.
Feige warned me not to say anything….
Battlestar Galactica fans will be happy to see Katee Sackoff whoop some ass, as we all know Starbuck offers more than eye candy — or, at least, very hot coffee. And, yes, we get to see her boobs too. Well *COUGH* at least one of them. Another notable addition to the franchise is former WWE Heavyweight Champion, Dave Bautista, a man who the Sister wasn’t too familiar with before he joined Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy. I gotta say, for someone who’s supposedly not a trained actor (unless you want to count the menacing “reality” of Friday Night Smackdown), Big Bad Bautista did a nice job as the warrior Diaz. He should have no problem handling the meat ‘n potats of Drax the Destroyer next August.
There’s also not much to say about the film’s score, unless you want to merely call it standard trailer music…and I don’t mean the cool Kid Rock kind, either. With a 60-million dollar budget, most of the cash went to the adequate visual effects (since early word claimed the film would not go the Chronicles route with too much focus on CGI) and to Vin Diesel, of course; not toward an epic composer like Hans Zimmer.
Those minor flesh wounds aside (i.e. lack of half-naked men to offset the countless topless damsels and the flashback), Riddians (like it? no?) will undoubtedly enjoy Riddick far more than film #2, especially with a story and overall vibe that harken back to Pitch Black. Plus there’s a killer death scene that will be talked about long after the credits roll…
But if I told you, then I’d have to *cough* all over you.
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